PipZap

Featured

There are too many things I need to remember, too many things I need to say. Memory being what it is, I am putting these things here for both of you. I love you both more than you can ever know, perhaps until you have your own children. And when you do hold that child in your arms for the first time, think back on your mother and I – this is how we felt, how we feel about you both.

Life is too short and my only regret is that I was not able to have you sooner, so that I could spend more time with you, see you grow further. I cherish every moment with you both, I long for more time with you every day, my greatest joy is your affection.

This is what happened, and why.

Haywards Heath, 2011

the wait… the hospital…

the staff… the french speakers…

the wait…

the couple across the ward… the woman, alone, across the ward…

the moment… holding you in my arms for the first time…

the blood… the concern… the pain…

your beauty…

your sister’s visit…

bringing you home…

 

Argenteuil, January 2009

The wait… the false alarms… the cold…

the hospital… the wait… the staff… the cold… the wet…

the moment… holding you in my arms for the first time… the warmth… your mother’s sleep…

the drive home… the snow… the cold… the joy in my heart… the new life… the longing to be with you… waiting for the boat… the coffee from Gabrielle… your name…

returning for you… bringing you home…

… on Marti

Poço Barreto, in the Algarve. We met in August 2006 at a farmers traditional Portugeuse dance. It could not have been farther away from what either of us would have expected.

I thought she was Portugeuse, and would go on to embarass myself by trying to speak Portugeuse to a frenchwoman on holiday at the beach.

Our romance blossomed via Eurostar, a hundred trips back and forth to Paris until UK immigration got the gag and told me to go home to my own country. I flew away without telling Marti and only called her from the US to let her know I’d been deported. I flew her to my home in Colorado and asked her to come live with me, that we’d move to New York and start a new life there. And she did.

I asked Marti to marry me in Weehawken, standing over the Hudson and looking out at Midtown, on a cold Christmas Eve, 2007.

A few months later we left New Jersey to come to England – shortly after our arrival Marti confirmed that she was pregnant.